well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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