We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Pants are for mortals
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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