We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
not ubering you a puppy
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
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