If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
