Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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