The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
