So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
