There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
