...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
