don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
