Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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