I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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