Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
