either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
