doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
