I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm lost and stupid without you.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
