Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
