My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
