wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
