Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Randomize
