HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
