I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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