It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
