Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
