I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
