you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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