During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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