puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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