At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
