are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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