Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
