haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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