this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
