Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I did not marry a roomba.
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