THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
