She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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