Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I would fuck him just for his dog
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
