Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
