Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
