Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
