I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
