I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.