Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."