i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??