Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.