dude you need to get laid
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you