I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
