gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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