Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
