I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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