8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
