I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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