Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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