so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
