just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
