So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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