Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
