i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
