Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
