member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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