I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
