Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
