Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
