If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
