Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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