dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
