So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
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my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
This baby is an asshole
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I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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