So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
