last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
