We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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