I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
